FUTURE MOM & DAD

Just to fill in a few blanks: Like "what ever happened to Bob's Mom and Dad?" while the juggling of the exes took place. I need to explain a bit about Bob's parents.
Both of them were in their 70's at the time. Rose a TRUE F.B.I. (first born Italian) , was so typically Jersey City Italian. Old school (at best) and a true Lady.
Rose never cursed, always cleaned (every thing, even the tables in a restaurant) and ALWAYS dressed impeccably. As I said before-her teeth and hearing aids did not fit properly. She was also a very doting parent. She absolutely adored Bob and always showed it. This whole mess truly upset her, but, she was also a very strong person and believe me there wasn't an item in the hospital or Bob's apartment that didn't gleam by the time the departed. I believed (when I first met them) that this cleaning thing was her coping mechanism. I found out later that it was just Rose. The best Christmas gift she ever got was a swiffer! (she "swiffed the paint off the walls in her kitchen).
Bob's Dad was a Kentucky Curmudgeon. He had a slight limp and always had that "Look" similar to Walter Brennon. Come to think of it, he also had the slight limp to round out the Brennon image! Just when you thought you had pissed him off, he would develop these wonderful "Irish wrinkles" around his beautiful blue eyes. There would be the slightest twinkle and you knew-all was well in the "Bob the Elder" world.
Bob, the elder, resigned himself to what was and dealt with it. He was a source of strength for both Rose and I. He kept Bob's mind off the "crip" thing, and had every nurse in the joint eating out of his hand. Did I mention that later on he was know in family circles as "The Great White". Trust me, if some dropped a donut out of an airplane in the middle of the desert, he could sniff it out. Most of the morning was spent questioning the nurses about decent restaurants for lunch. The afternoons were occupied by asking the patients and new shift nurses about the restaurants that were good for dinner.
Both of them occupied their days at the hospital (between restaurant reviews and finding them) with helping out the aides and visiting the other patients.
The only problem we had, was my car. I purchased it used in Maine. It was an unmarked cruiser, with a big engine and heavy duty suspension. Unfortunately,1 hadn't had the money to purchase new tires in quite awhile. I found that in the winter (especially in Maine winter) that the canvas stripe that ran down the center of the tire had pretty damn good traction. I never got stuck (had a lot of flats but, never stuck). I had also had an unfortunate meeting with a snowplow and there was a s I i g h t triangular hole accented with a lovely rust tone halo in the rear fender. She was a baby-shit green, yellow brown color, and if you went to fast with only one
window down, the headliner tended to blow up and cover your eyes. Other than that, she was a damn good car. She never gave me fits and went like a "strip-ped assed ape"!
Needless to say, Bob and Rose didn't see her assets....At all.
After Bob and Rose returned to Florida, Bob had me buy a new car My engagement ring was an Escort). He explained that he had received a lecture .
about allowing the girl he loved to drive around in a deathtrap. You know, the do nothing if you want her to go away, Buy her a safe car if you want us to accept the marriage!
Bless their hearts, they were truly wonderful and after we were married, they treated me like a daughter. The blessings keep mounting......
AH, back to 'Tales of the Crip". I believe it was about 3 weeks after Bob was injured, when Aunt Birdie announced that it was time for Bob to REALLY sit up. He had been mostly on his back and cranked to an upright position (other that the weebles wobble bouts periodically.) position. AND, if he was a good boy, they would give him a proper shower.
First the tilt- table. Basically described as an implement of torture equal to the equipment used during the inquisition. Four nurse showed up with the board on wheels, equipped with leather straps. I remember checking for wires and a battery .
They transferred Bob (in the brace ),strapped him in and tilted the board upright.
Bob was Standing! (sort of). Well the nurse parked him in the hall, and said, as they departed "Call us when he faints'! .Well this is cool.........
It took about 5 minutes for all of the blood to drain from Bob's face and his eyes to sorta roll into the back of his head. I yelled "He's gone!" and poor Rose damn near fainted. After apologizing to Rose for the poor choice of words, they got him back to bed: We were very careful after that when Rose was there.
The same afternoon, RUTHIE showed up. Every hospital has "The Nurse".
Ruthie was the resident curmudgeon, old school nurse who was always armed with a jar of suppositories. Her favorite line was "if what goes in doesn't come out On its own-I will do it by force!". We noticed that she ALWAYS gave bob the laxative just before the shift ended. Poor nurses on the next shift, AL WAYS got stuck with the ensuing "Explosion". Trust me it wasn't pretty and there was a lot of scheming going on behind Ruthie's back. I am sure it was for revenge....! am also sure, they achieved their goal. It was like living on the set of a comedy version of General Hospital-without commercials!
Ruthie and another nurse transferred Bob onto a gurney and explained they were taking him to the showers. I dutifully asked if I could help. They refused my offer, so I settled down with a magazine and tried to relax.
It was not very long before I heard shrieks of laughter from down the hall. "Oh what now!!!!" I thought and ran out of the room. The vision a short way down the hall was indescribable.
The showers were designed for wheelchairs and blessed, had two doors. I presume so (like a carwash) one good wheel in shower, and wheel out without having to maneuver too much. Unfortunately, a wheelchair is half the length of a gurney. Bob is 6'-01" tall-so is the gurney. Therefore, Bobs upper torso had to be washed first-then the other end got to be washed.
What was hanging out in the hall, in front of God and all the patients and other staff was, well, "Willy and the Boys". The shrieks of laughter were from Bob, Ruth and the other nurse, trying to fit a 6 foot gurney into a 3 foot space with the water running (after they discovered what the had left in the hall!).
At this point, I could rest my case for a totally insane life, but, trust me, it gets
worse............. ..